I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
