she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
