M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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