Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
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i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
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Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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