FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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