After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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