That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
