The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
