she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
