escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
