Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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