I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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