Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
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