My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
