new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
