____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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