I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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