I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
