I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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