well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I think i got beer on your cat.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
