I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
