She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
