Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
