I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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