my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Two words: nipple clamps
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