I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
