nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I should be sponsored by Trojan
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
