So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
