Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
