My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Say something about gay babies.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize