Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
