Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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