The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
