I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
