i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
