I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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