I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
