I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize