Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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