Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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