i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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