I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
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