I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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