i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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