We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
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