i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
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