I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
