whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
