i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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