So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
