Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
