I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
