I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
