um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
