i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Randomize
