His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
