Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
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She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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