final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
