I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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