you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
