yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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