What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
