I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
