I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
