tonight lets celebrate not being married
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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