Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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