I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
