We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
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Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
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Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
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