he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
