Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
