Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
