the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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