Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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